"Fill in the Blank Legislation"

Don Rearden, UAA Faculty sporting the newest in SeaWolf Body Armor!

 "Fill in the Blank Legislation" (A poem dedicated to Pete Kelly and his fill in the blank ALEC Legislation to allow concealed guns on Alaska campuses.)








_____ began wearing the body armor after our _______ legislators
introduced a piece of _____ bill to allow ______ on campus

students, faculty, and staff began to carry _______
_____ were told the _____ were for our own _______

____ worried a ________ or ______ upset about _______
would walk into class with a _______ and _________

then everyone carrying a ______ would _______
when the police arrived they wouldn't know who was _______

with the body armor ______ felt ________
no one was _______

______ protected the ______ amendment
but not the __________

the university had become a place of _______
________ future _______

Equal Work, Equal Pay

her precious little head

tilts five degrees to the left

torticollis by diagnosis

a rare condition

according to the physical therapist

my daughter's neck muscles contract

forcing her head to twist

this and more

we will work to address

so that when the day comes

for her first successful interview 

my beautiful girl

won't have her head askew

when they make the offer

Discovery on the Beach

a relic in paradise

and he insists

on picking up 

pushing digits

pretends to talk 

I want to call

for real, he says

it's a pay phone

I say

you need money to call 

and, not a toy

who uses this?

and why, he asks

does everything always

take money?

please?

I just want to say hi  

Best Big Brother Ever

I'm quite sure I thought

my two sisters would tell you

they had the best big brother

in the history of big brothers

I was a hard act to follow

so cute and smart

attentive and perfect

my parents didn't 

have to even say how great

because it was clear

no bed time for me

the kid who put himself

to bed and never talked back

not once raised his voice, or needed

to be told twice

and the list goes on

best as a baby, best grades

and first to this and that

all that being amazing took a toll

one day --- perhaps because

I was so smart ---

I realized this:

I wasn't so great 

after all, and in all my time spent

being the best, I missed my

chance to be the brother

they needed and wanted

not the one they were stuck with

Of course today

I've repaired the damage

and if you asked 

they would tell you 

they have the best big brother 

ever

and maybe even mean it 

Guns in the English Classroom

Monday we discussed fragments

 a Glock in my pocket 

Tuesday was all commas

.44 on hip, .38 ankle, and .357

in a shoulder holster

Wednesday dangling participles

carrying a revolver on my hip

Thursday misplaced modifiers

packed a semi-auto with a smile

Friday was two, to, too

took two assault rifles to class, too

 

Death by Social Media 3.0

he needed an update

he'd watched his Prime expire

all the GoodReads were no longer Tinder for his Kindle Fire

Pandora was open

he didn't have the emoticon

to Kickstart his iLife

he shared no Words with Friends

not even a PayPal

all sense of eHarmony was gone

not even Shazam or Alibaba 

could save what was left

of his Google Earth

The End

I've thought too much 

about the world ending

how it would be scary

but exciting in a way

no need to worry

about insurance or retirement

stylish clothing, appearance, or weight 

no longer living to work

instead working to live 

each moment counting 

relationships all that matter

then comes the crushing reality

the end means unbearable loss

in ways I know I cannot fathom 

and there is this, too

there would be no need or time

for writing or story telling 

not at first anyway,

and that is an end 

I want no part of