Gathering the Turds for the Final Vote

Gathering the Turds for the Final Vote

the turds were all gathered at the Capital 

the final big debate

the room smelled of money, sweat, and turds 

all the pressing issues of the day, for Alaska

resolved, solved, solutions in resolution

all that appeared to remain 

this final piece of 

legislation

the turds, in their place

the lobbyists, concerned citizens, activist students

even the governor,  in attendance, 

each with their own turd interests

discussion began

support for the clear front running turds, apparent

Moose turds already had their place

in many tourist shops, 

earrings, swizzle sticks, even a festival

and the lobbyists 

for those small round brown balls

had done their homework

the other turds just didn’t have the support

black bear and brown bear turds 

while often appearing to have perfectly edible blue berries

 and interesting colors

 lacked a certain commercial appeal

hare turds were too small, too much like kids’ cereal

whale turds, too big, too mysterious

owl turds, not actually turds at all

then someone suggested polar bear

and a lobbyist passed a note over the balcony

a reminder that turd wouldn’t be around much longer

they would have to gather the turds in another session

move on to other turds

musk-ox and caribou were proposed

but no one felt any particular attraction to those turds

unless there were wolf turds involved

a few moments before the vote

moose still the front-runner

a new turd appeared

more specifically: a whole white five-gallon bucket of turds

conservative supporters of the moose turds laughed

just another silly liberal ploy

 to bring attention to rural turds and the buckets

 that so often hold their foul stink

this was, after all, their last vote of a banner year

beautifully un-bi-partisan

this was an important vote for a singular object

turd not turds

just like they had voted for the Alaska State Gun, a Winchester Model 70

 the Alaska State Boot, Bunny

 the Alaska State Lubricant, Crude

 the Alaska State Position, Missionary

Yes ---

 this was the time to vote for Alaska’s State Turd

[Poem #19 ---- special thanks to  Scott Woodham, my editor at Alaska Dispatch for the crappy idea. ]